Pensive Reflections by Satellite Bowes

Satellite Bowes v. Oprah Winfrey, 123 P.2d 001

2009-12-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

Dearest fans, admirers, and death-threat jokesters:

After 37 seconds of careful deliberation, I have decided to start a pledge drive (it's okay, really, they do this at my church all the time). Some of the proceeds will go toward purchasing my very own internet domain, while the rest of the proceeds will go mostly toward BCBG shoes in a women's size 9. I have been undergoing some recent renovations as we near the unveiling of my new promo shot, which should be so profound that it secures my election to take over Oprah's time slot when she vacates my rightful throne in 2011. Speaking of my fans, I have also decided to incorporate a live video stream so that my audience can witness me blog my heart out. After extensive research, my colleagues have assured me that this has never been done before and would be yet anothermilestone for the blogging community. Make no mistake, this is not about you, this is about me. Not only will I garner more critical acclaim and accolade, but this video stream will provide me with 24/7 surveillance, as I have received several life threatening instant messages via facebook from close friends and relatives.

In order to ensure my personal safety and protection against sexual assaults, CTDs (cyberspace transmitted disease), and critical literary reviews of any nature, tickets will only be available through Ohare Internation Airport, where there will be a thorough screening process including, but not limited to: racial profiling, sexual-orientation inquiries, spelling bees, and other various methods that also measure intelligence. Ideal candidates will be homeless and/or will be supporters of the Obama/Bush ticket of 2012. In addition to a live studio audience, we are also currently investigating possibilities for an online radio show in which listeners would be encouraged to call in with questions, much like Saved by the Bell's "Teen-line" episode, except pertaining to more pensive matters.

One small step for Satellite Bowes, one giant leap for mankind.

Weezer VS. Ultra Sonic Edukators

2008-05-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that people really care about what I think. In fact, it has been rumored that my Pensive Reflections will become the first blog ever inducted into the rock'n'roll hall of fame. Therefore, I must be extra sensitive with the information that I divulge to my audience, though censorship is not my forte.

Make no mistake--I am not funny. I am not even entertaining. The world simply respects my honesty. My pensive reflections demand repect. Humor is several leagues below my intellectual strata, and cannot be attained.

ROAD BLOCK! PLEASE DETOUR to NEXT PARAGRAPH! STOP READING THIS ONE NOW! Pop culture loves me for inventing the psychedelic blog. The previous sentence was supposed to start another paragraph in my original outline, but I started this draft back in May 2008, and it is now more than a year later in July 2009, so I can't remember what I was going to write. But rest assured, it was going to be really funny. Scratch that, I just glanced above at the previous paragraph, and apparently I am not funny. So perhaps it was going to be witty. Regardless, this paragraph is no longer valid. Pretend it doesn't even exist and move on...END OF DETOUR

What you are about to read is a dramatization.

[Interjecting third-person narrative for dramatic effect]

Although the psychedelic blogging industry may have taken a substantial blow when Satellite Bowes (of the band Ultra Sonic Edukators) abandoned his eccentric web blogging antics for a chance at rockstardom, he may find the time to re-engage himself after returning from an unsuccessful recording session with Brian Bell from the notorious rock band, Weezer. Eric J Dubowski, another notable musician in his own rite, embraced the engineering duties during this "fiasco," as Bowes emphatically puts it. "It was apparent from the get-go that this "Eric J" had clear political intentions. The walls inside the control room of his home studio were plastered with propoganda and statements such as "Vote for Dubowski, or DIE for him!!," penned Bowes in his latest entry of "Pensive Reflections." Although I still don't quite understand what is presumably an inside joke, I am able to appreciate Bowes' knack for weird pop culture humor, and for pioneering what he has coined "The Psychedelic Blog."

To be read in a lower volume inside your head:

(Although I must admit, I am still perplexed as to the exact meaning of Dubowksy's "Vote...or DIE!" statement considering he has yet to run for any public office on the local or national level. Additionally, several of those little Christian fish symbols

ahem, "><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>"

were also found swimming about the same walls, which I found particularly peculiar considering this Dubowski character was clearly a Jew. I can only attribute such rare behavioral complexities to the indoctrination power of the popular Hollywood phenomena known as Scientology.)

Back to Normal Volume:

Eric J Dubowski, a graduate from Syracuse, extensively studied philosophy during his undergrad, but soon after shifted his focus to music, where he became a staple in the music business after working with and subsequently marrying European royalty, Sofi Bonde, a Swedish pop star whose music is frequented on MTV's "The Hills." Eric quickly climbed the ladder of success, landing a gig working on Weezer's much anticipated 6th album, the Red Album, after becoming close friends with Weezer guitar virtuoso Brian Bell. During the recording of the Red Album, Brian and Eric decided to take on a side project producing a band together. Brian however, was extremely particular and would only work with the finest talent in the industry. Chicago based outfit, Ultra Sonic Edukators fit the bill.

The Ultra Sonic Edukators were soaring high, fresh off the critical acclaim of their live show as well as their 2007 EP, "Bad Blood" (YMA/Bermuda). However, behind closed doors, USE was struggling from rising tensions amongst its members over the musical direction of the band as well as conflicting personal interests. According to an outside source, these tensisons nearly caused the band to break up before the recording of their first full-length album. After several group sessions with a therapist, the members were able to hold it together just long enough to make it out to L.A. in February of 2008 to record their debut album with Brian and Eric.

Upon their arrival, USE quickly rediscovered the factions in their band over the ongoing battle of creative differences. While the band was able to keep the atmosphere fairly cordial and lighthearted through latenight beer and poker rituals, it was apparent that their differences were taking a toll during the daytime recording sessions. To make things more difficult, Brian found himself immersed in Weezer obligations, gradually becoming unavailable throughout much of the recording process. Because the recording tensions were now magnified by resentment toward Brian, Eric spent much of his time reassuring Z-Force (the neurotic lead singer of USE) that the album would be great and that everything would be fine. With several members of USE feeling indifferent throughout much of the recording, Z knew that everything was not going to be fine.

In the end, Eric and Brian had fulfilled their contract to produce USE. However, the Ultra Sonic Edukators left L.A. dejected, distancing themselves from each other for over a month after returning to Chicago. Since then, various rumors have surfaced in an effort to explain what happened in L.A. and why USE now refuses to release the album they recorded in L.A. under producer Brian Bell. One rumor suggests that during the recording process, Eric brought a song from USE's recording session into one of Weezer's recording sessions and played it for the band (maybe to possibly encourage a tour between the two acts). There are different versions of the rumor from this point forward. Some say that Rivers Cuomo saw USE as a threat since their album would be released at a similar time, others say that it was the president of Weezer's record label that felt threatened by competing sales with the up and coming act. As the story goes, Eric was then strongly urged or to take his time to mix USE's record in an effort to delay its release, buying Weezer some time and making them the sole major release of their genre during what is refered to as the 2nd quarter in music industry. This doesn't seem too far fetched when you consider the political climate of the music industry, as some artists have endured similar horror stories. But what really happened remains unknown, as Weezer, Ultra Sonic Edukators, and Eric have all declined to speak about it at this time.

Despite the truth to all the rumors, there are obviously some tensions between the Weezer camp and the USE boys, especially now that it has been disclosed that USE is scrapping everything they recorded in L.A. and is self-producing their album. According to one source, Eric deleted USE from his top friends on Myspace and completely severed communication with the group. There is no doubt that USE has insulted the Weezer camp by their refusal to release Brian's producing debut. Maybe USE should buck up and use Brian Bell's producing credit as momentum since they are still a relatively unknown group. After all, it didn't hurt Weezer when The Cars' former frontman Rick Ocasek produced their debut album. On the other hand, if there is any truth to the rumors, perhaps the Ultra Sonic Edukators are the one's that should be giving Weezer the finger.

Bio-Bending is Kewl, and Pensive

2007-11-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hi. I am John Jared Bowes, guitarist and prolific "Bio" writer for Ultra Sonic Edukators. What you are about to read is mostly true and 100% accurate some of the time. Before I go any further, I must ask (and then answer) the question, "What is a Bio?" If not merely a vain attempt by one with a completely subjective take on the matter, at most it is pseudo-professional excuse to exaggerate the accomplishments of the subject, an alternative rock band in this case. Subjective, because 97.76% of band "bios" should actually be called "autobios," as in autobiography, as in WRITTEN BY THE BAND ABOUT THEMSELVES. Exaggerated, because band bios are specifically designed to make them appear to be much more accomplished than they actually are. For example, in a recent review of Ultra Sonic Edukators debut EP, Bad Blood (now available on itunes, grab it while its hawt), I read that my band shared a stage with none other than the Flaming Lips. After contemplating for seconds on end, I realized that they must have obtained that information from our Wiki bio (written by us of course). Technically, we did play a show in the same vicinity as the Flaming Lips at hedgepeth festival in wisonsin (purposely didn't capitalize hedgepeth or wisonsin). This "festival," though I hate to legitimize it by calling it so, was a complete failure to say the least. Ultra Sonic Edukators did not share a stage with the Flaming Lips. On the contrary, we played the day after the Lips on a much smaller stage under a carnival tent, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon for the soundman, Katie, and a few hippies that saw us onload some bongos from Gordo's suburban and mistankenly followed us to the tent thinking we were forming a drum circle.

So as you can see, a band bio is a useless, biased, piece of poo designed to evoke respect, praise and honor for bands that have yet to accomplish anything of any real significance. However, I find myself internally conflicted while envisioning the possibilities that loom just over the horizon. Everyone that reads that review of our EP will think we are really "hip and indie" because we played with the Flaming Lips. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with slightly bending the truth in order to make oneself look and feel important. In fact, I believe that biobending is actually a natural phenomena, much in the same respect that marijuana grows in the ground. I think we could really benefit from more reviews of that nature (biobending induced, not marijuana induced). I'll even help you get started. I've compiled a list of more exaggerated accomplishments to publicize: we were on the Carson Daily show, made a cameo in a Bruce Willis film, picked a fight with Chuck Liddell from Ultimate Fighting Championship (and won), and Dagan, our other guitar player, is dating Lauren Conrad from the Hills (he is scheduled to make his appearance in Season 4). Write about THAT! We are Ultra Sonic Edukators, the best band on Myspace (according to Rolling Stone).

Blogman Bowes and the Invisible Blog

2006-09-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

Blogman Bowes: back by popular demand, I introduce a new phenom, the "Invisible Blog". I've been on hiatus the past several weeks while I'd been adding the finishing touches to the "Invisible Blog". The "Invisible Blog" is invisible by its very nature. There is absolutely no way to view this blog except that I have manipulated the system combobulation committee to give 100% visibility to myself and 99.33% (repeating of course) visibilty to surviving members of the hominid species known as Homo Erectus, the intellectually and "physically inferior" (if you know what I mean, heh heh) evolutionary predecessor to the Homo Sapiens (whom are unable to view my invisible blog altogether). Nearly all Anthropologists concur that the Homo Erectus species is completely extinct, so I feel confident that my blogs are now completely confidential with myself and none other, allowing me to feel free to blog my heart out in the privacy of thine own self. My pensive reflections can now be set free like an eagle soaring through the air, twinkling his toes as the wind tickles his talons.
Heart of Blogman Bowes: Thou art so beautiful; thou speaketh with such elegance, and transcendence.
Blogman Bowes: Thank you Heart, thine are mine for all eternity, and I shall cherish your companionship and make you a ruler over all thine toes on thy lower, left limb.
Hair of Blogman Bowes: Swoosh, swoosh!
Fofina: I eat poop.
Soul of Blogman Bowes: La bamba. Burrito enchilada estoy. tambien. hola taco, tu es muy estupido, no? que? Beans, rice, beano para mi? Si, senior, adios.
Blogman Bowes: Soul, I didn't know you were bilingual!
Soul of Blogman Bowes: I have a big secret to tell you....I art thou _________________________!!!!
Blogman Bowes: No Way!!!! We must not ever tell that to Kevin Spellman, that would ruin his life.

R.I.P. Satellite Bowes; New Beginnings

2006-09-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

I know what you all are thinking, "What can he (the one f.k.a. Satellite Bowes) come up with next? Surely he cannot top his latest blogs, because those were actually kind of funny." Let it be known that henceforth I am BLOGMAN BOWES, the Blogmaster of all Bloggers. Everyone else is a pitiful immitation. As BLOGMAN BOWES, my reputation and controversial blog content shall not be questioned. I am allowed to mutate my blog content anywhere from extremely intellectual pensiveness ( as were my earlier blogs under "Satellite Bowes"), to utterly offensive curse words that my wife allows me say. These words include, but are not limited to:
(in order of least offensive to most offensive)
Hump: A substitute for the term "screw"; as in, "we're totally humped."

Sly: An adjective meaning "homosexual," rather than the modern word, "gay."

and last but not least:

Taikong suoyou de xingqiu saijin wo de pigu (Traditional, Simplified): Mandarin slang for "Stuff all the planets in the universe up my butt!" or "All the planets in outer space are stuffed up my butt!"

(above words courtesy of Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia, curse words)

I art thou now leave you with this: I'm totally humped when I Taikong suoyou de xingqiu saijin wo de pigu (Traditional usage); it makes me feel sly.
Click here to see a picture of the reinvented, new and improved BLOGMAN BOWES f.k.a. Satellite Bowes.

Estonia??...more like 'I Stoned-Ya!'

2006-09-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know, Same Pic-So What!! I can do what I want-I'm world famous!
Estonia in da house! http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=32255516&postID=115757631784692285 See that-he's from Estonia! I told all you FEEBLE MINDED that my blogs were popular WORLD-WIDE!...you all thought my blogs sucked and that I made up all that crap in my second blog about how popular my blogs are. Boo ya'll! Take that EDUSUCKERS!

YOU ALL THINK MY BLOGS SUCK, I DON'T CARE

2006-09-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

(recycled image cuz i don't care)
I feel the need to clear something up. It has been noted by a fellow edukator that I’m insert own pensive thought here: hardeth to comprehend. While it is true that I've been hardeth to comprehend in the past few blogs, I've done so not out of loyalty to the pensive reflections but to the principles of Psychedelic Blogging. The Psychedelic Blogging Committee doesn’t always live up to the ideals they claim to follow. For instance, the Bowes Administration has been on a spending spree since it has been in office. This has left those of us who back a limited blogsense wondering if “compassionate conservatism”, as the Satellite likes to call it, means to blog like an east-coast lib. So I’m a PB first. If the Psychedelic Blogging Committee generally exhibits conservative values, then fine, call me hardeth to comprehend. (the above is courtesy of robotic doc sprinkled with my own pensive reflection)
If you don't Understandeth My BLOGS, WHY DO YOU READ THEM? I HATE BLOGGING! BLOGS SUCK! AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO READ MY BLOGS ANYMORE, THEY ARE MINE, FROM HENCE FORWARD NO ONE CAN READ MY BLOGS BUT ME, YOU CAN ALL GO SHOVE IT UP YOUR Adgrghieo (enters wife)

How Geniuses Talk When No One Is Around

2006-08-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

jared1426: i think i thought of a genius idea
wippersnapper86: o really?
jared1426: you know how my boss eq didnt work well as a boost when used in junction with my distortion pedals?
jared1426:(sp) conjunction
wippersnapper86: sure
wippersnapper86: i didnt know that
jared1426: oh
wippersnapper86: but ok
jared1426: yeah-for some reason it won't boost the volume signal with my distorion pedals-only the gain
jared1426: but anyway
wippersnapper86: k
jared1426: i am going to use it in reverse....instead of having it off all the time and then trying to use it as a boost...i am going to have it on all the time, lowering the volume on it, turning the volume up on my amp to compensate for it
jared1426: and then click it OFF when i want a volume boost
wippersnapper86: haha
wippersnapper86: wow
wippersnapper86: mind blowing
wippersnapper86: brb
wippersnapper86 signed off at 12:32:57 PM.

Woe to King Naughty Tree: Contaminator of Beer

2006-08-31T12:34:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I had an encounter with what I have now determined to be a level 53 intellect. As rare as it is for me to meet one whom can communicate on a somewhat comparable level (I am currently a level 62 in Warcraft criterion), it is even more rare to find myself amidst philosophical exchanges that force me to actually utilize my mind. While I can usually disengage my brain and set my mind on cruise control in virtually every aspect of human interaction, I could hardly spit out a large word or gather a pensive reflection because my mind was on overdrive trying to interpret the figurative/poetic language that him who speakethed to me spoke! First, he told a beautiful tale, like a great orator; a tale of One whom triumphed in his travels through "Candle Forest" all the way to "Naughty Tree". Then he spoke prophetically about the times to come; a time in 6 years when he will be able to play the "shooting" game. His mind was like none of any man. For he was not a man, he was Four Year Old Boy -(to be read with a deep, dramatic tone of voice with a delay of 800 ms). Four Year Old Boy takethed every hint of normalcy out of conversation altogether! It was an experience unlike any I've had before. He came up to me and asked me if I had a beer, to which his Overseers quickly insisted he said 'computer', 'not beer'. Computer and beer do not even sound alike. He has made up a secret language that is so surreal and beautiful; yet so secretive that it was encoded in such a way that I could not immediately decifer. He has forever changed the inner operational processes of my mind. From that moment forward, I knew that computer doesn't really mean computer; it means beer! It is so simple, yet the truth managed to elude me all these years. I cannot believe I lived in ignorance of such vital matters! However, enlightenment comes at a price, and a costly price I paid! Does this mean that beer is not an end in and of itself; only a means to an end? What if it doesn't exist? Or worse yet, would this mean that I am currently typing on beer with UNCLEAN HANDS! This monstrosity must be revealed! Answer me now Four Year Old Boy! What kind of beer am I typing on!!!???

A Stab in thy Back; in the Dark; She Broke Thine Heart

2006-08-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

A few hours ago I received some devastating news that has not yet ceased to infiltrate my every pensive reflection. A close friend of mine has informed me that his biological matriarch (or mother, in unedukated terms) has determined my pensive reflections to not only be heteromorphic (or preternatural), but also to be utterly senseless and "boring". Again, I must refer the reader to my second blog entitled "My Emotional State is SO volatile; Poetical" where I fully acknowledge that the "diction I employ when penning my thoughts" would be a hindrance and a stumbling block to many. Might I respectfully encourage everyone to hold fast and continue the race. For I offer a great reward for steadfastness: sophistication. I knoweth of a great many knowledgeable concepts, precepts, and most importantly, large words. Just know that I taketh the utmost care to ease my readers into sophistication, that they too, in time, may have "pensive reflections" of their own. I have a great many of words that I long to teach, but I must now depart to prepare my lecture on antidisestablishmentarianism for Herman Bradley. Herman is not REAL as some would consider "real". But what is REAL anyway? I'd like to think that your feeble minds can comprehend what I'm getting at. But not lest one watcheth the Lord of the Rings with precision in a 12 hour marathon can he expect to catapult himself into true understanding of the meaning of life. Polygons and Megatrons, all we are is dust in the pan. And as a great philosopher once said, "You are the Pan."-Rufio

Biology, Anthropology, and Eschatology

2006-08-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Today as I engaged in biological studies at a highly touted institute, I had a many of pensive reflections. First, I thought to myself, "Where art thine mitosis come from?". Then I thought to the person next to me, "mitosis sounds like 'my toes is'," and proceeded to point at my feet. Needless to say, the poor, ignorant lad fell right into my trap and laughed at the idiotic joke I made. It was a theory I had long hypothesized, but never had the opportunity to test until this morning. It is true, mitosis does sound like "my toes is". Then, as if pensiveness were unable to elude me, I immediately had another pensive thought. "Where art the name mitosis even come from?!" and "Who thinketh of such a name?!". In Anthropology, we (the edukated) refer to this as linguistic studies. Being the highly acclaimed student that I am, I marched right into the Anthropology department, right on into the head of the departments office, sat down in his leather recliner, and propped my green Nike Hightops up on his desk. I said "Frederick...Freddy, Fred man....I have a pensive reflection that may be beneficial to you and your 'team' (I did the quotes with my fingers) of 'Scholars' (again, finger quotes). I was doing biological research today and performed an empirical experiment. I think you'll dig the results. Have you ever noticed that mitosis sounds eerily similar to the popular English phrase 'my toes is'?" He replied "You are correct in saying mitosis sounds like 'my toes is', but I've only heard 'my toes is' used by my 3 year old grandson. It is grammatically incorrect. The correct grammar would be 'my toes are'. You need to be in the English department". We both sat there in silence with blank stares for about 11 seconds, and then it came to me, "Armageddon is coming soon, its in your office", for I have also taken a many of classes in Biblical Eschatology (the study of the end times). I knew that I got him good when I said that, he had no comeback. His wits were no match for mine, for I taketh a many of classes and my edukation is round. I know things that no man contemplates in his deepest thought. I am an Edukator.

About the Author

2006-08-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

I receive a lot of fan mail with questions like "How did you get started blogging?", and "Why are you so kewl?". Unfortunately, I am unable to reply to every letter, so I decided to share a little bit about myself with my readers. In order to maintain my professionalism, I will now start writing about myself in the third person (for those of you who don't follow, it is a literary device used to express another point of view).

Satellite Bowes was born into a large family of seven and a half in the 13th galaxy, just left of Sun Ray. He aspired to move to Earth when he followed a sign from the heavens; a beautiful rainbow. Love was to eventually prevail, but not before bugwoman first sought to destroy him. The fight was long and treacherous. It was long too. At age nine, Satellite Bowes ran for Middle-Aged Man, but lost to a middle-aged man (he later settled for being a middle aged woman on advice from Doctor Phil). At age twenty-two he became Edukator #4, and fought for free Edukation for everyone, praising President Bush #2 for his "No Child Left Behind" campaign and the "Left Behind" book series. Whenst he failed to sign a recording contract with a reputable label within the first 3 months of his Edukation Campaign, he spent 4 hours rediscovering himself, citing irreconcilable differences. In August of 2006 (of the Milky Way Calendar), Satellite Bowes invented the Psychedelic Blog. The Psychedelic Blog is the most important invention since the cotton gin in 1793.

Unforgivable: A Walk to Remember

2006-08-23T17:05:00.000-07:00

Unto the darkness, I have taken part in what I once openly put to shame. Prehistoric rhetoric mock the integrity and validity of my mind-altering/enhancing anti-biotics. Pensive reflections are no longer enough to fill the void of my soul, I taketh care to avoid disillusion, for I am the straw that breaks the camels back--a tiger of sorts. In my latest book, "Patterns of Life, Patterns of Death and Patterns of Me if I'm Still Left...Behind" I addressed the fire in my heart, but deprived it of its thirst, being fully aware of the inevitable consequences. And now it has arrived to bring about my destruction and abandon me on the edge of ancient RUINS!
What I once considered odd is now the normality of my habitat. If I hibernate in the depths of my soul, I can communicate with the wounds of my childhood. Doctor Philippe (now under the moniker "Phil") once told me to become a middle-aged woman, an effortless task for a great master of disguise such as myself, but I was only 9. I think that is why my hair resembles that of The Nanny (Fran Drescher), the early episodes.- WHAT!-SEE THAT!?
That is not me! I do not write like that, my writing is deep, poetical, and emotional. I makethed a reference to an early 90's American television show. I do not write about pop icons, that is NOT me! Who gave me over to such stupidity? My mind is becoming shallow, and unpensive! I was running a good race, who cut in on me? Unforgettable, unforgivable. Or is it?

Sense and Sensibility:To Sir, With Love

2006-08-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently I've given the wrong impression to some of my colleagues. I do sincerely apologize for your ignorance on the matter. To Mortomorphyses of Elginland: I do NOT have time for such miniscule tasks as creating a pseudo name for my "blog" page. I am an intellect. My time is decisively spent on conundrums for world unity in the face of depravity. It is an insult to my intelligence to assume that I would divide my time between pensive contemplation and self-righteous, whimsical antics like creating a presumptuous, "witty" pseudo name such as "La La Landon" and "Robotic Doc". I do not fall prey to the vile, decrepit rules of this world. In 6 days I will resume my studies at a highly touted school and open my mind to true knowledge that scientists and astrologists alike have garnered over the years with endless empirical research, ceasing to fall into the trap of ignorance that plagues the human race with nonsensical, nonconsequential rubbish. I art thou a light bulb that glimmereth unto the dark particles of the fabled periodic tables. Listen to my thesis "No I'm not. YES I am not, no yes I am I am I said I'm not myself, I'm not dead and I'm not for sale. I know nothing." Consider these words as encouragement to enlightenment.

Solice, Oh Bring Tranquility To My Burdened Friend

2006-08-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

My college edukation resumes in less than two weeks, which leads me to my next topic: Herman Bradley. My "new friend" Herman requested a blog devoted to his excellence. His disregard for all decency and ethical behavior leave me flabbergasted and less than Edukated, despite his tendencies for musical candidness. Psychologically delusioned in his pseudo name, he enigmatically and diplomatically stakes claim to the pursuit of an undergraduate Edukation, whilst the Doc seeks his third Master's Degree, Biodegradeable Litter. Doc has invented a healthy cigarette (comprised of vitamins,nutrients, and "herbs") which he plans to conquer the world with. He forgetteth that "herb" cigarettes have long been in existence. La La Landon is hosting the 1st annual nine to nine Lord of the Rings marathon-and has already sold 4 tickets. And what did Herman ever do?

My Emotional State is SO Volatile; Poetical

2006-08-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

After my first "blog", I've received an immense amount of feedback. Thank you all very much for your feedback, as it is encouraging to me. Apparently, many of my readers (specifically in the Bahamas) felt that I came off a little strong in my first blog, perhaps alienating potential future subscribers. WOE TO YOU FEEBLE MINDED!

In a recent demographics study, polls suggest that geographical location, race, and sexual preference play a major factor in the popularity of my blogs. I correctly predicted this would be the case....Western civilizations were much more apt to respond positively to my "Pensive Reflections" while those in more uneducated parts of the world were more negative towards my "Pensive Reflections." This is surely because of the diction I employ when penning my thoughts. I tend to use large, sophisticated wording to express my delight and dismay. This is because I attend college, where I art thou taketh a many classes (including Greek, Pig Latin, etc). I am well read in the likes of many philosophical philosophers (Pluto, So-Crates, DaVinci Code, etc). While my writing can be intimidating to those of lesser intellect, I strongly urge you to hold fast. In the African American community, I was especially well received (likely due to the hair and recent allegations that I am a democrat). I assure you all that I do not affiliate or align myself with any particular political party. I am simply pro-Bush, pro-Israel, anti-gay rights.

Pensive Thoughts, Irrevocable, Unprovokable; Serenity for Your Soul

2006-08-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

Introduction:
After receiving inspiration from my fellow blokes, I decided to create my own blogpage. Writing blogs is no small task and must be performed under the direction of more professional bloggers (such as La La Landon and Robotic Doc). Being the smartest person in the world, I have no doubt that my blogging abilities will assuredly surpass those of my colleagues in a short matter of time. However, I still accredit my fellow bloggers for paving the way for more qualified writers such as myself. That being said, I'd like to conclude this introduction and let you explore the Pensive Reflections of Satellite Bowes.

The first thing I would like to "blog" about is my new friend. NO, it's not a REAL person (as some would consider REAL). But what is "REAL" anyway? I'd like to think that your feeble minds could understand what I'm getting at. But I go to college and take philosophical classes that open the mind and set it free from the inaccurate ideologies that plague one's mind with propaganda from the point of birth. And what is "Birth" anyway? Is it not just the psychological attempt to confine a human life to a metaphysical "stage" in order to grasp something that is completely unobtainable? Why is a child deemed "unborn" just because he has not yet vacated the warmth of his mother's womb? Its all diagnostics. Its all propaganda. All we are is dust in the wind.